The year is 2021, and I’m starting a blog. I hid my writing my whole life. Writing is hard because it is personal, and I thought it would be too difficult to find a creative job. Also, I thought I didn’t have what it takes; that I didn’t deserve to make money with my passion.

It turns out I didn’t have what it takes to thrive anywhere because I had no self-esteem. I thought it would be easier to have a job as a movie producer, working with spreadsheets, getting my value from others with numbers everyone could see. But being a producer wasn’t a binary job. I still had to build relationships, and it was hard, mainly because I couldn’t trust myself.

I survived for ten years working as a movie producer.

After ten years of surviving as a movie producer, my wife got a job in NYC. I thought it would be an excellent opportunity to start over where nobody knew me. My first year wasn’t a dream. Believing in myself living in the biggest city in the world was a mental challenge.

Adapting to a new culture is hard. I started doubting my worth. I created a podcast, and episode after episode, I got a way to say that I wanted to write a book. I was sure that being a writer was reserved for anyone but me. Again, I got lost in others’ descriptions of success. I was a mess!

One year later, the pandemic stroke. I was still lost, in the middle of f*cking New York City with no job, no perspective, no co-host on the podcast, and no self-esteem. Locked in a 667 square feet apartment with my award-winning wife, I felt the pressure to make something meaningful with my life.

I asked and got help to achieve my dreams.

Fortunately, I wasn’t alone. I asked for help, got inspired, focused on taking care of myself, did as many self-knowledge treatments as possible, observed my wife, and showed up every day. Now I have a book to show.

I wrote a book about the best and the worst of my life journey. I shut up the world noise for a year and proved to myself I deserve to be a writer not because I’m entitled to, but because I’m showing up every day to be one.

I had to learn how to show up for myself

It is still hard not to get distracted with fear and self-sabotage. It is hard to invest in my second language writing, to forget that a career instructor told me it would be too challenging to be a journalist in a second language 13 years ago. It is hard to forgive myself for being vulnerable in the past. It is hard not noticing people who unsubscribe from my email list. It is hard being honest and living to my full potential because I hid for so long that I didn’t know how to show up anymore.

There are so many hard things to come, and I’ll have to show up every day being my entire self and doing everything I can to thrive so many miles away from my comfort zone.