The other day, my psychologist said: unlike most people, you have difficulty saying ‘yes.’ The idea lingered in my mind for much longer than the hour-long session. It’s not that I didn’t know about my social anxiety brought on by so many moving, but something was out of place. Change hurts, and I was in the denial phase.

Life is a combination of experiences and opportunities shaped by your choices. In this context, saying yes or no shapes your life, your future, the situations you put yourself in, your gains, losses, and the goals you can achieve.

I’m not going into the merits of meritocracy. Everyone should say yes to try to discover their own limitations, understand their privileges, and get rid of the illusions of the “if.” All that: subject for another essay.

Your choices shape your life

Returning to choices, I will do my best to develop logical thinking. Every day, I choose to sleep five more minutes. Some writers wake up to write, some exercise, and others start work earlier. All those scenarios show someone saying yes to something that could be in the present or the future.

Every time I spend my weekend attending classes on financial investments, I say “yes” to knowledge that has not been presented to me before. Things I want to learn because I believe they can change my relationship with the responsibilities I take on in life.

The same is true when I choose to face challenging situations – especially after the pandemic. Some examples are going to an event and meeting new people, going live, passing on my knowledge, being aware of what I put in my body, etc.

You can learn how to put yourself first

All of this might seem obvious to anyone who’s always put themselves first, but it wasn’t obvious to me. I was a smoker for 15 years. During a good part of that period, I wanted to quit smoking. I knew how bad it was for my health. Still, smoking was a psychological compensation for deeper issues, part of my routine.

In some situations, we’ve been saying ‘yes’ for so long that it may seem inherent to who we are. But, to be honest with you, I must say all those statements are not factual. And I also must say that it is complicated to say yes to what you really are.

Change hurts, but it leads you to a better version

Saying yes to what I want to be in the future requires courage, daily discomfort, self-knowledge, self-care, resilience, persistence, and patience to deal with the bad mood that changing causes.

Something inside me (I don’t know the technical name here, so I’m going to call it ‘Lari 1.0’) doesn’t want things to change. She doesn’t want me to risk anything. She doesn’t want me to even see the other possibilities, so I can’t interrupt the status quo of remaining in inertia, waiting for something to happen.

I have to tell my old self (and you) that change hurts. I’ve been through several changes – I deeply believe in evolution as a conductor of self-knowledge and happiness – that came with suffering. Still, all the hurting brought me exactly where I wanted to be.