This week, I started reading the “Atlas of the Heart,” and I already want to write a book review. The author discusses topics I enjoy studying in the first three chapters.

First, I want to talk about the word “conversation.” Brené Brown’s writing is fluid despite her doctor background and corresponds to a chat between friends.

In “The Power of Vulnerability,” the author wrote she doesn’t enjoy the writing process but loves to talk about her research. So – in the not-so-distant past – she organized a weekend with friends and recorded her speeches. The goal was to gather ideas and write a book that felt like an informal discussion. Precisely like the one I’m reading.

“Atlas of the Heart” tries to be an emotional dictionary. Brené is an academic author. I am an inspirational writer. She explains with scientific evidence. I compose based on perceptions.

Right now, automatic comparison processes are running in my mind’s background. Shame is activating triggers to discourage me from writing or publishing this essay. These emotions feed on others and grow, causing psychological and even physical consequences.

This is just one of the processes that go on in our brains. And, regardless of our will, they activate our actions. In short, I am not always aware or can name what I’m feeling.

Psychologist Guy Winch says that people tend to build up a tolerance for self-deprecation after being rejected. Entering this cycle is almost always unconscious and can be dangerous.

When I arrived in the United States, I had many panic attacks, a physical consequence of what was happening internally. I felt overwhelmed by New York City and, at the same time, overloaded my mind with comparisons, fears, shame, and other feelings I couldn’t acknowledge.

In the second chapter of the book, Brené talks about envy and jealousy. In the United States, people use “jealousy” to describe envy. Feeling jealous is socially accepted, while envy is an anomaly that must be hidden and eliminated. It is common to use cute adjectives like “jelly” to describe admiration for what the other person has that you don’t.

In Brazil, we don’t use jealousy to describe envy. When I read Brené’s descriptions, I had to take a moment to understand why it was so important to differentiate them.

To me, non-harmful envy is a kind of admiration. I wrote an entire chronicle about envy in the book I’m about to release. I think envy is a normal feeling. We should treat it as such instead of repressing it and pretending it doesn’t exist.

In my perception, not dealing with envy doesn’t make you superior. It’s just a way to mislead yourself. If you lie about your feelings, you won’t have to deal with the sacrifices you need to make to move through life with consciousness and get what you want.

Brené digs deeper and explains that there are two types of envy. The first one translates to: I want what you have, I don’t want you to have it, and I want to bring you down. The second one, which I call “non-harmful envy,” can be interpreted as: I like what you have, I would like to have it too, but it’s okay for you to have it, and I don’t want to bring you down.

I believe envy and admiration go hand in hand. When I’m envious, I’m interested in learning the person’s story, being inspired by their steps, and building my own path. Perhaps this is a characteristic of my profession. Before writing, every writer is a reader. An admirer of beautiful sentence constructions.

To benefit from my admiration for someone, I need to know how to name what bothers me and dare to change myself. It is challenging to be true to who you are and the kind of life you would like to have. I speak from experience.

Regardless of our conscious choices, our brain processes (all the time) comparison, expectations, envy, anger, rejection, and many other feelings that we don’t like to live with.

My point is (if I need one): as long as we spend our lives hiding from ourselves, we will keep repeating mistakes and reducing our chances of success. Brené Brown’s book attempts to illuminate what goes on inside us to inspire our best selves.

Ps: If you liked this post, please send it to someone you think will like it. I would very much like Brené Brown read it. Am I dreaming too high?