Last weekend I rented a car and took my wife and friends to a happy NYC getaway.

When I first arrived in NYC, I thought it would be good to have a driver’s license to explore New York state. I wasn’t wrong. I usually have a good intuition about enjoying life, but I’m not good with my feelings.

I’ve been living in NYC for three years and finally got what I wanted. The getaway weekend was everything I imagined (and I wouldn’t write anything differently because my friends are reading this). We rented a great house, lived good stories, visited places, and played games. It was lovely.

It took me three years to get all that. During that time, I was preparing myself to make my dreams come true. Still, I was having an anxiety crisis and feeling sorry for myself. I was getting ready to have my perfect weekend, but I couldn’t understand the waiting. Why did it take so long?

I was getting ready to be happy

Getting ready is not only about getting a driver’s license, gaining driving confidence, straightening relationships with my new friends. I was also getting ready to be happy. I was saying goodbye to my old, constantly unsatisfied self and welcoming my new, more realistic, and content version. I took care of my old voids, decorating the missing parts of my childhood with books and flowers. I was getting inspired, sometimes envious, but satiating my needs. I learned how to live the moment, and I stopped complaining about what I didn’t have. I was nurturing my soul inside my body before getting away.

During the preparation time, I was growing like a cake in the oven, expanding, getting firm and soft at the same time. Growing can cause pain figuratively too. It’s not scientifically proven, but I can testify.

They say we should trust the process.

The problem was: I didn’t know which process to trust. Was the creative process? The learning process? The growing-up process? Wasn’t I supposed to feel the painful desire to taste happiness while watching the cake grow inside the oven?