Glennon Doyle says that “Suffering is what happens when we avoid the pain.” This quote has many layers of wisdom. I don’t even know how to start writing about it, but I’ll try to write about facing rejection with dignity.

Achieving a goal is about how much pain you can handle

I had an epiphany another day. Maybe, for the first time, I understood that achieving a goal is about how much pain you can handle. Look into any writer’s (or actor, journalist, engineer, doctor, etc.) career. You will find that the person faced rejection many times before “getting there.” Publishers rejected Harry 12 times before launching the book. J.K.Rowling is just one example of all writers in the world. Maybe some of us will never get published for reasons I can’t start pointing out*, but some won’t be published because the person can’t handle the pain. Being rejected is painful, and you have to do it with dignity. After all, you have to come back for another round.

I don’t think non-creative careers are easier. Each person in the world faces profound challenges. It’s hard for us to understand our problems. Imagine putting yourself in someone else’s shoes?

I, for example, am a Brazilian writer living in NYC. I’m afraid all the time. I don’t even know why I’m so scared. I’m just terrified of going outside and talking to people in the real world. I’m not too fond of the idea of getting out of my head. I like writing, and I like scripts. I think that organizing ideas is divine. So, when someone asks me who I am (aka What do you do?), I freeze. How should a person be able to answer this question without a script? How should you improvise an answer to such a philosophical question?

Knowing people is never natural

People in the United States have a script for answering those questions. Networking is something that people learn here. I didn’t learn how to connect with other people in Brazil. Whenever I leave my mind and interact with the world, I get anxious. Usually, I look like an idiot or a pretentious bitch. Knowing people is never natural. Sometimes, if I’m drinking, things get a little smoother. That’s the suffering Glennon Doyle refers to, the suffering of getting yourself numb with alcohol, so you don’t have to face the pain of being rejected by everyone else. But avoiding rejection is also avoiding living with all your potential. If J.K.Rowling had avoided the rejection, we would never have had Harry Potter. My life is better because I have HP in it. So thank you, Rowling! And thank you, Glennon, for stopping your suffering.

We must have the gut to face rejection

What I want to say, and I love that now I have personal essays as my writing genre, so I don’t have to have a form, just a style, and I can wonder as much as I like because that’s what essayists do. We will never truly live unless we have the gut to face the pain of rejection. I could be a little more didactical about it and tell you that your success depends on how many “nos” you can take, but I won’t do that. I respect your intelligence. You don’t need me to digest this information for you, am I right?

I have trouble coming back after a rejection. I always blame my parents for my low self-esteem. And since we are talking about success, blaming others is a very “loser” thing. My wife says I’m old enough to detach myself from them, but how will I justify my absence from myself if I free my mind from my past?