What does a wife do? Not a mother, a working woman, a daughter, or a friend. A wife.

What does a woman do when she is a wife and doesn’t have any other social roles? I left the airplane in NYC and entered this new clan of women who accompany their spouses in a job proposal away from their careers, countries, and social lives. To live and dream a new life of just one person working.

I left Brazil as a movie producer, a daughter, a long-time friend, and I arrived in the US with a wife visa. What is a wife? I think being a wife is what I’m supposed to do. But what should I do?

What should a wife do?

Virginia Woolf says that middle-class women started working as translators and writers during WWI. But how should an XXI century woman forget about a fancy (equal with men) important careers path and sit to write? How could we, wives, forget our fancy independence dreams to be “just” a woman in the XXI century?

I started writing. Writing is a very wifely thing to do. I have written before, but not as much as now, so I’m becoming a better writer. Maybe not today (I had no idea what I would write about today), but in general. I’m a better writer today than three years ago. Maybe being a writer is a very wifely thing because a wife has the time to work on the writing craft, which is a pleasure (for me at least) thing to do.

Some wives have projects

Some wives don’t write. They have projects, meet friends, throw parties, go shopping. I wish I had the desire to go shopping as much as I have the energy to complain about my clothes. What else should I do as a wife? Can I keep my privileges as a middle-class woman? Meaning, can I buy things just for the sake of it? Can I spend the money that I don’t make but also mine?

Do wives talk about money?

I don’t know how all families work, but I never talk about money. It’s kind of taboo to talk about money, but since I don’t make any, I should talk about it. What about plans for the future? Do people talk about retirement, insurance policies, property? It feels like a rich person’s thing to do, talking about money, but everyone should, right? Everyone wants to retire and live on the beach. No?

I was born on the beach. What does that say about my family? My wife is also from Rio de Janeiro, a beach city. We left. Are we coming back in old age? What age is old enough to be named old age? I feel old sometimes. I find a new wrinkle every day. I try not to overthink it. A senior person should make money. That’s what I learned in the old days when I was young. Maybe someone can be a person without making money. I’m not making any, and I have an SSN and a family last name. No my wife’s last name. My dad’s last name. The one my mother took in and removed ten years after the divorce.

Maybe that’s what a wife does

We are people who are not making money and who are not talking about money or the future. We are people living, learning new things, feeling guilty, questioning if this is life or just a phase. Probably just a phase. Things change, right? I wrote about life changes last week. I like when I agree with myself. It doesn’t happen often.