Many years ago, I bought a piece of jewelry from an English designer who lived in Berlin. Last week, I spent a lot of time looking for her. The task was specific and complex because my wife loves the ring, and I wanted to give her a special anniversary gift. I haven’t found either the designer, which I’ll call Ann, or the ring, but the search remains in the back of my mind.

When I bought the ring, I really wanted to live in London, and I couldn’t understand how anyone could exchange my dream for another. What did she find in Berlin that was lacking in London? My innocent mind thought that both capitals could provide similar professional possibilities and freedom because they were cosmopolitan and artistically effervescent. On top of that, they have similar weather. What’s the point of trading the comforts of your culture to seek the same things in an unknown language?

Not long after that, I left Rio de Janeiro for São Paulo. Today, I live in the United States. I have friends in Germany, England, Australia, and, of course, in other states in Brazil. Unknowingly, nine years ago, I searched for a single answer from Ann – ignoring that lives are filled with many questions.

Perhaps Ann was running from a past marked by neglect and insecurities. Who knows? People have different motivations and can find their heavens in the hells of others.

Outsiders are looking for hope

I came to New York looking for opportunities, but not only. Twice, I moved to another city looking for security in abstract guarantees. In my first book (a roadbook to be released in August), I tell the story of a protagonist who leaves home, moves to another state, and finally leaves her country.

We, outsiders, share the anxiety of seeking who we are in the new place’s hope. But over the last decade, I’ve discovered that being secure is establishing your limits yourself. It is to build, every day, ways to trust your foundation. It is the required basis to walk freely, grounded in yourself.

Only when we know ourselves, we can find our place in the world, fiercely defending our borders, regardless of where we live.

As a message, I want to remind you that establishing your roots in a new city with different accents, weather, and routines, is a courageous act. It is the attitude of someone who is trying, first of all, to find himself. But I also want to clarify that we are strangers to ourselves before we are outsiders somewhere.